Escape Pod 743: Flash From the Vault
Flash From the Vault
Hello and welcome to Escape Pod Summer School, where we post some of our favorite episodes from the vault with a new perspective. I’m your assistant editor and teacher for this class, Benjamin C. Kinney, and I’ve got three flash episodes from long, long ago. We bring you “Paul Bunyan and the Photocopier” by Larry Hammer, “Beachcomber” by Mike Resnick, and “Semi-Autonomous: or, For Whom the Warranty Tolls” by Jim Kling.
Our first author is Larry Hammer. Larry Hammer is a person who exists.
Our narrator is Michael R. Mennenga. Michael was a co-creator and host of the podcast Slice of Scifi, the Engineering Chief at the DracoVista Studios in Arizona, and a published author of fantasy novels who began writing in the late 1980s. He has received recognition from Writer’s Digest and Forbes Publishing for his first book, Zac and the Valley of the Dragons. His next book, Mistress of the Dragon, was released in 2001, and Dragon’s Fire, Wizard’s Flame in 2003.
Aim your time machine for 2006, and it’s storytime.
Paul Bunyan and the Photocopier (Excerpt)
By Larry Hammer
Well, the time came Paul Bunyan had a pretty successful thing going with his lumber business. Fact is, the first year his company went public, the stock price doubled, and it went up fifty percent each of the three years after that. Mind you, this made Paul a target for corporate raiders. Why, the battle he had with Bluebeard is a yarn and a half–but that’s another tale. This is the story of what happened when Paul Bunyan’s secretary went on vacation.
Folk heroes. Sometimes we need someone larger-than-life: a shape we can inflate with our own hot air, to fill whatever space we need in our lives. Frankly, my office (home or otherwise) would be a lot better if we had some mythic worker to explain its creation and its details. Who needs a mere coffee pot, when we can have one blown from hot glass particles spewed from the Yellowstone supervolcano? I want more folk heroes in my life. And if their skills and temperaments aren’t really well-suited to a modern office environment, that just makes them all the more relatable, doesn’t it?
Our next story is Beachcomber by Mike Resnick. Mike was a science fiction writer, executive editor of Jim Baen’s Universe, and the editor and creator of Galaxy’s Edge magazine. He won five Hugo awards and a Nebula award, and passed away in January 2020.
It’s narrated by Elie Hirschman. Elie is a voice actor, announcer, narrator, podcaster, and presenter. Find out more about him at eliehirschman.com
We’re setting our time machine for 2009, though this story first appeared in Baen’s Universe in 2008.
Beachcomber (Excerpt)
By Mike Resnick
Arlo didn’t look much like a man. (Not all robots do, you know.) The problem was that he didn’t act all that much like a robot.
So, let’s just get this out of the way: this story’s robotics, its artificial intelligence, are totally ridiculous. Now forget that, and return to the story’s last few lines. The robot who gave up everything to spend one evening at the beach, and the overworked security guy who would trade places with the robot locked away in a comfortable desk. How many of us, back in February, wished we could spend more time at home, with our families or hobbies or pets? How many of us are now sheltering in those homes as much as possible, dreaming of the rhythm and meter of daily trips to the office? That’s the trick of human desire, and robot desire. We want what we don’t have. If the grass doesn’t look greener on the other side, we’ll paint it.
Our third story today is “Semi-Autonomous; or, For Whom the Warranty Tolls” by Jim Kling. Jim Kling is a science and medical writer living under the oft-gray skies of the Pacific Northwest, somewhere between Seattle and Vancouver, BC, and near an active volcano.
He’s been a full-time freelance writer since 1996. His work has appeared in Science, Nature, Scientific American, Technology Review, WebMD, the Washington Post, Inc. Magazine, and Analog Science Fiction. He also works for a wide variety of technical publications, including but not limited to Nature Biotechnology, Start-Up, BioTechniques, MDEdge, and Medscape.
He writes frequently about medicine, evolution, and occasionally conservation.
This story is narrated by Rachel Swirsky. Rachel was a founding editor of PodCastle, along with Ann Leckie.
Rachel’s short stories have appeared in Tor, Subterranean Magazine, and Clarkesworld, and been reprinted in year’s best anthologies edited by Strahan, Horton, Dozois, and the VanderMeers. She holds an MFA in fiction from the Iowa Writers Workshop, and graduated from Clarion West in 2005.
Her short fiction has been nominated for the Hugo Award, the Locus Award, the World Fantasy Award, and the Sturgeon Award. She’s twice won the Nebula Award, in 2010 for her novella, The Lady Who Plucked Red Flowers Beneath the Queen’s Window and in 2014 for her short story, If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love.
Keep that time machine locked on 2009, because it’s storytime.
Semi-Autonomous or ‘For Whom The Warranty Tolls’ (Excerpt)
By Jim Kling
Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. Leave a message and I will have him return your call.
Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. He will be hosting his birthday party on Saturday night. If you plan to attend, press ‘one’ and then speak your name. I will add you to the guest list. Otherwise, leave a message and I will make sure he receives it.
Hello, you have reached Jim’s semi-autonomous answering machine. My records indicate that you have previously RSVP’d for the Saturday night party. Please indicate your alcohol preference. For beer, press ‘one.’ For wine, press ‘two.’ For mixed drinks, press ‘three.’ If you prefer non-alcoholic beverages, press ‘four.’ This information will be used for ordering purposes only, transmitted through my wireless connection to Jim’s refrigerator, which in turn is linked to an online grocery. For more information about AutonomInc’s SmartAppliance line, please view our web site at www.autonominc.com. “AutonomInc: We give a whole new meaning to housework!” If you have a message for Jim, please leave it now.
This story is such a wonderful mix of cutting-edge and wildly obsolete. Eleven years ago, Jim correctly predicted the Internet of Things, but the most unrealistic part of this story is the very existence of an answering machine. But our concerns about artificial intelligence and the autonomy of our tools? That’s pretty much timeless. And also, timely. Because robot stories have always been stories about work and slavery. About dreaming that someone can do the drudgework as long as they have the perfect balance of “semi-autonomous” – or as long as you have the power to keep them from expressing their autonomy.
Our closing quotation this week is by William Faulkner. “The past is never dead. It’s not even past.”
Escape Pod is a production of Escape Artists Inc, and is brought to you with a creative commons attribution non-commercial no derivatives license. Don’t change it. Don’t sell it. Do go forth and share it.
Thank you all for listening, downloading, reading, and sharing Escape Pod. If we provide you with a bit of joy, comfort, or escape in these difficult times, we’d love your support. Find us on Patreon, listed as EAPodcasts, or donate via paypal on our website, escapepod.org. If you can’t afford to donate right now, you can also rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or whatever service brings you our signal.
Our opening and closing music is by daikaiju at daikaiju.org.
Thanks for listening and reading, and fly safe out there.
About the Authors
Jim Kling
Jim Kling is a freelance writer with over a decade of experience writing about topics ranging from biotechnology, to astrophysics, to archeology.
His credits include WebMD, The Washington Post, Scientific American, Technology Review, Science Magazine, and even newsletters of the Harvard Business School.
He also occasionally writes science fiction with works published in Nature, one of which was selected for inclusion in a book compilation called Futures From Nature (Amazon, Powell’s).
Mike Resnick
Mike Resnick is an American science fiction writer and was executive editor of Jim Baen’s Universe. Resnick’s style is known for the inclusion of humor; he has probably sold more humorous stories than any science fiction author except Robert Sheckley, and even his most grim and serious stories have frequent unexpected bursts of humor in them. Resnick enjoys collaborating, especially on short stories.
About the Narrators
Elie Hirschman
Elie Hirschman always wanted to be a voice actor, growing up watching He-man, ThunderCats and Voltron. After recording several e-Learning, scientific and marketing projects, Elie discovered the world of audio podcasts, working with such groups as Darker Projects and Dream Realm Productions. Together with fellow actor David Ault, he started Cool Fool Productions, where they dramatize bad audio scripts with questionable results. He’s currently still active in all EA podcasts (except CatsCast) and also appears semi-regularly on the Nosleep Podcast. He doodles constantly but never saves the drawings, and likes to paint with his kids, although the amount of paint they are willing to waste drives him batty.
Michael R. Mennenga
Michael R. Mennenga was a co-creator and host of the show, its Engineering Chief at the DracoVista Studios in Arizona and a published author of fantasy novels who began writing in the late 1980s. In 1996 he turned his attention to writing for the Internet. In 1998 he joined a developing writing community and was soon asked to become part of the staff. He has received recognition from Writer’s Digest and Forbes Publishing for his first book, Zac and the Valley of the Dragons. His next book, Mistress of the Dragon, was released in 2001. Mennenga followed that in 2002 with The Valley of the Dragons: Dragon’s Fire and Wizard’s Flame, which was re-released as Dragon’s Fire, Wizard’s Flame in 2003.
He is a member of The Arizona Authors Association and Toastmasters International.
Rachel Swirsky
Rachel Swirsky was a founding editor of PodCastle, along with Ann Leckie.
Rachel’s short stories have appeared in Tor, Subterranean Magazine, and Clarkesworld, and been reprinted in year’s best anthologies edited by Strahan, Horton, Dozois, and the VanderMeers. She holds an MFA in fiction from the Iowa Writers Workshop, and graduated from Clarion West in 2005.
Her short fiction has been nominated for the Hugo Award, the Locus Award, the World Fantasy Award, and the Sturgeon Award. She’s twice won the Nebula Award, in 2010 for her novella, The Lady Who Plucked Red Flowers Beneath the Queen’s Window and in 2014 for her short story, If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love.
