Escape Pod 36: Connie, Maybe

Show Notes

Rated G. Contains alien abduction, brainwashing, and conspiracy. Unless it doesn’t.

Referenced sites:
Snakes on a Plane
Something From the Nightside by Simon Green


Connie, Maybe

by Paul E. Martens

Conrad McManus claimed he was kidnaped by aliens and replaced by an exact duplicate of himself.

But, Connie, we said, that doesn’t make sense. If you were a duplicate you wouldn’t say a thing like that.

Connie shook his head. “The aliens destroyed my body while they were doing their tests and experiments and what not and they had to make a new one so no one would know about them.”

So they destroyed everything, we asked, except your brain?

“No,” he said. “They destroyed my brain, too.”

PodcasterCon2006 Wrap-Up


I’m back now from this weekend’s PodcasterCon, and even though it was intended as a one-day event I’m still decompressing just a little. Friday I had the incredible opportunity to have dinner with Senator John Edwards and his wife Elizabeth. (They have their own podcast and videoblog — and yes, I’m a subscriber.)

I was busy literally all day Saturday, from presenting a morning “How to Podcast” seminar with Rob Walch to a midnight podcast-and-beer in Paul Fischer’s hotel room. To everyone I met there, thanks for an incredible time and some of the best conversations I’ve had all year. (By which I mean “last 365 days,” not 2006.)

If you weren’t there and you want to see what you missed, the fine folks at Mac Pro Podcast have put together an excellent 12-minute video summarizing the con. They’ve got a number of great interviews in there — and if any of you wanted to know what I look like, here’s your chance. (They say the camera adds 20 pounds… Alas, I was in it twice, so it must have added 40 to me.)

The video is here. Check it out, and see how much fun you’ll have if you come next year!

Escape Pod 35: Hero

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, violence, and poor life priorities.

Referenced sites:
SciFiction
PodcasterCon
Escape Pod CD Offer


Hero

By Scott Sigler

There is no defense against a perfect weapon.

The perfect weapon is cunning, calculating and ruthless.

I am all of these things.

There is no defense against me.

The words would die with him, for he was the last. Five centuries of tradition would fade from existence, probably as soon as he killed Timmerman. But that didn’t matter, not as long as Timmerman died this day. Poetic justice is all the more eloquent with your enemy’s brains cooked a crispy-brown.

Vote for your favorite!


Here’s a minor new feature for the site. If you look at the sidebar on the right, you’ll see a poll asking you to vote for your favorite Escape Pod story from 2005. We’ve picked a couple of likely candidates, but if you don’t like any of those, feel free to click on “Add an Answer” and submit your own.

This is not an entirely academic exercise, by the way. We plan on using this information for a good cause in the next few weeks. (Hint: Hugo nominations are now open…) So let us know what you liked best!

Escape Pod 34: Free Will, Baby

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains supernatural violence, sexual harassment, and telemarketers from Hell. (Not a redundancy.)

Referenced sites:
PodcasterCon
Escape Pod CD Offer


Free Will, Baby

By Janni Lee Simner

“Hello, this is Kara Donnelly, with Lucifer Enterprises. Whom am I–”

“Yeah,” the man said, as if he’d been expecting her. “My wife just left me. When she takes me to court next month, I want everything she’s got.”

“Well, I’m certain we can arrange that.” Kara smiled. She’d heard somewhere that if you smiled, your voice sounded more pleasant over the phone. “If I could just get some information, I’ll have one of our representatives call back to arrange a meeting.”

EP Flash: Night Off

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity and some disturbing imagery.

(Note: Mr. Lundberg has directed that his payment for this story be directed toward Heifer International, providing impoverished people with animals and other resources to become economically self-sustaining.)


Night Off

By Jason Erik Lundberg

The fat man coughed again and rolled over onto his side. He wheezed and his lungs rattled. A few thousand years of being overweight had caused innumerable cardiac and respiratory problems, but the job demanded it.

“Who can you think of to cover you?”

The fat man pondered for a moment, then said, “Lo ho ho?”

His wife frowned. “You know Loki would just cause a mess, and probably light some children on fire. Who else?”

Escape Pod 33: Santa In My Pocket

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, sexual situations, and criminal intent. Merry Christmas!

Referenced sites:
Agnostica
Geek Fu Action Grip
I Should Be Writing
Geek Acres


Santa In My Pocket

By Mur Lafferty

When I was a kid, I believed it all, like that old wive’s tale that animals would be granted the gift of speech for one hour on Christmas Eve. I tested that out by keeping my cat locked up in my room with me all night. She never spoke, but she did piss in the corner, since she couldn’t get to her litter box. So she still told me a magical Christmas message, loud and clear.

Genres:

Escape Pod 32: Alien Animal Encounters

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity, explicit imagery, and hot alien action.

Referenced sites:
Whatever
Reading is Fundamental
Lies and Little Deaths
Child’s Play
Today in Alternate History


Alien Animal Encounters

By John Scalzi

Ted McPeak, Community College Student, Jersey City:

Some friends and me heard that if you smoked the skin of an aret, you could get monumentally wasted. So we bought one at a pet store and waited a couple of weeks until it shed its skin. Then we crumbled up the dry skin, put it in with some pot, and lit up. We all got these insane mouth blisters that didn’t go away for weeks. We all had to eat soup for a month. Though maybe it wasn’t the skin; the pot could have been bad or something.

Listener Survey


As I just mentioned in today’s podcast, we’re conducting a brief listener survey:

Why should you fill it out? Because it’ll help us understand how we’re doing, what you like and what you don’t, who listens to us, and it might help us in the future with grants or funding.

And also because I’m giving $1 to Penny Arcade’s Child’s Play for each completed survey. Click some boxes, help a kid. How good a deal is that?

UPDATE: Janice’s comment (thanks!) made me understand that I probably ought to be a lot clearer about my intent with this. Yes, the survey was composed by a marketing company. Their intent with it, I think, was to help podcasters prepare a pitch to advertisers. That is not my intent with it. We seriously are doing better with donations right now than I think we’d be likely to do running ads, and I know as well as anyone that if we started running commercials the donations would probably drop to nothing overnight. I don’t want to do that. You all have been incredible in your support, and I want to redeem that trust.

The reason we’re using this survey (despite some annoying questions) is because it was free and ready-made, and that saves us a lot of time. Also, we do want to prepare a pitch — but not to advertisers. I’m hoping that some of this information will be useful in our application to the IRS for 501(c)(3) status, and later on if we decide to go looking for public arts grants or ad-free sponsorships. And some of this stuff we’d simply like to know. I’m far more interested in the questions like “What do you think of the Web design/show length/frequency?” than “How much would you trust this host to recommend real estate products?”

If you find those questions obnoxious, just skip them. I can’t really can’t blame you. Heck, I’m not sure I would trust me to recommend real estate products. If you would, you haven’t seen my lawn.