Archive for Podcasts

Escape Pod 94: The Last Wave

Show Notes

Rated G. Contains aquatic monsters with a penchant for memorabilia. That’s about as scary as it gets.


The Last Wave

by Kay Kenyon

From what I gather, there are two competing theories about me. The ones who come with binoculars and cameras believe in the monster theory. I consider myself as siding with this group. The scientists, on the other hand, with their annoying echolocation devices, hold that I’m a prehistoric Earth creature, the last of my kind, cut off from my fellows. Sentimental drivel, of course. Drifting along under their hulls at night, I eavesdrop. They think I’m some kind of fish. But if they ever caught me, the DNA analysis would give them a bit of a jolt.

Escape Pod 93: {Now + n, Now – n}

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains sex, nudity, and explicit finance.


{Now + n, Now – n}

by Robert Silverberg

All had been so simple, so elegant, so profitable for ourselves. And then we met the lovely Selene and nearly were undone. She came into our lives during our regular transmission hour on Wednesday, October 7, 1987, between six and seven P.M. Central European Time. The moneymaking hour. I was in satisfactory contact with myself and also with myself. (Now — n was due on the line first, and then I would hear from (now + n).

Escape Pod 92: The Boy Who Yelled “Dragon!”

Show Notes

Rated G. It’s a children’s story. Not recommended for cynical audiences.

Today’s Sponsor:


The Boy Who Yelled “Dragon!”

by Mike Resnick

Now, this Land was the home of exceptionally brave warriors and beautiful damsels (and occasionally they were the same person, since beautiful damsels were pretty assertive back then). Each young boy and girl was taught all the arts of warfare, and were soon adept with sword, mace, lance, bow and arrow, dagger, and the off-putting snide remark. They were schooled in horsemanship, camouflage, and military strategy. They learned eye-gouging, ear-biting, kidney-punching, and — since they were destined to become knights and ladies — gentility.

So successful was their training that before long enemy armies were afraid to attack them. Within the borders of the Land justice was so swift that there was not a single criminal left. It
would have been a very peaceful and idyllic kingdom indeed — except for the dragons.

Escape Pod 91: The Acid Test

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains some sexual innuendo, relationship issues, and unpleasant cheese odors.

Referenced Sites:
Aliens You Will Meet
EP Flash Fiction Contest


The Acid Test

by Kay Kenyon

“It’s my husband. He’ll go. He wants to go.”

The alien looked down the hall as though he’d rather be home nursing a beer than dealing with a disgruntled housewife at 4:00 p.m. on a Friday afternoon.

“Please.” She tried not to sound desperate. “He’s young and healthy. College degree, business administration.” She thought that last might not help. “With a math minor.”

Genres:

Escape Pod 90: How Lonesome a Life Without Nerve Gas

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains battle scenes, Imperial propaganda, overenthusiastic chemistry, and bad poetry.

Referenced Sites:
Befuddled by Cormorants by Frank Key
EP Flash Fiction Contest


How Lonesome a Life Without Nerve Gas

by James Trimarco

After the first week of practice, I knew how to anticipate Mickey’s every move. I knew how to sense weariness in the jogging of his spine and would inject increased levels of oxygen into his airflow when I did. I knew that his heartbeat grew irregular when the platoon crossed a rope bridge high over the practice-room floor, and for that exercise I would work a calming agent into his stream. I liked to chant patriotic slogans in his ear as we practiced. “Oh the children of empire are marching,” I sang, “to crush the rebel threat.”

Although my programmers intended these songs to stimulate high levels of patriotism, Mickey didn’t like them. Perhaps that’s when the first droplets of doubt moistened the soil where the pendulous flowers of my confusion would one day bud. . . .

I’m sorry, your honor, if my poetry offends you. That’s when I first questioned his loyalty, I should have said.

Genres:

Escape Pod 89: Bean There

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains sexual imagery and themes, and lots of caffeine.

Today’s Sponsor:


Bean There

By Jack Skillingstead

“You call it crazy,” Aimee said. “I call it Evolution.”

With a capital E. The famous newsclip seen around the world. The aliens arrived neither as an invading force nor as beneficent galactic pals. By their own description they were ‘Harbingers.’

Famous network interviewer: “Harbingers of what?”

Alien: “Evolution.”

Escape Pod Flash: Nightshift in the Automart

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains partial nudity, some language, petty crime, and a few gods’ names taken in vain.


Nightshift in the Automart

By Andrew Gudgel

The doors whooshed open and the Goddess Kali strode up to the counter. She stopped in front of him, grinning wickedly. Straight platinum-blonde hair spilled down over her shoulders and high bare breasts, contrasting with her inky black skin. Jeremy noticed a necklace of tiny, perfectly-formed ceramic skulls hung around her neck.

“Hi, Jeremy.”

“‘Lo, Suzy.”

The Goddess Kali’s eyes flashed red with anger. “Don’t call me that!” Behind her, a whole pantheon wandered the aisles, looking for late-night snacks.

Escape Pod 88: Blood of Virgins

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains sexual themes, third-world exploitation, and awkward freshmen.

Referenced sites:
Foster on Film (Pre-screening giveaway)


Blood of Virgins

by David Barr Kirtley

Other dragons cavorted on the airy currents. Those dragons were cherry red or lime green or creamy brown. Their riders steered them up the beach, or inland toward the mall, or back to campus.

A slender girl on a pink dragon passed us going the opposite way, her blond hair billowing. Matt waved to her. He said over his shoulder, “I met that girl last night. Hold on, I want to say hi.” He yanked the reins and we banked sharply. My stomach lurched. We swept around in an arc and came up alongside the girl. Her dragon had the guileless beady eyes and scrunched up cheeks of a lap dog. Matt said, “Hi. Dora, right?”

“Deirdre,” she corrected. “And you’re … Matt?” He grinned, and she said, “I like your dragon.”

Escape Pod Flash: Printcrime

Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains moderate violence and very slippery slopes.


Printcrime

by Cory Doctorow

Da. What they did to him. When he was done, he looked like he’d been brawling with an entire rugby side. They brought him out the door and let the newsies get a good look at him as they tossed him in the car. All the while a spokesman told the world that my Da’s organized-crime bootlegging operation had been responsible for at least 20 million in contraband, and that my Da, the desperate villain, had resisted arrest.

Escape Pod 87: Authorwerx

Show Notes

Rated R. Contains profanity and a disturbing resemblance to Philip K. Dick.

Referenced sites:
Eley’s writing progress
New forums (finally!)


Authorwerx

by Greg van Eekhout

I launched into my next bit, which I’d rehearsed that morning on the tram. “What I liked about your stories is that you never knew where they were going. It’d start off as a World War II military adventure, but then it would wind up being about android worms from another dimension out to steal Earth’s dirt. It’s like other writers’ stories are bridges: There’s a beginning, there’s an end, and it’s a pretty straight shot through. It might be a long bridge, or curvy, maybe, so you can’t quite see the ending coming. But the trip basically makes sense. Your stories were different, though. You always blew up your bridges halfway across, and you’d have to swim for the banks, and you’d end up on some rock with weird lizards.”

On the verge of laughter, he looked at me. “You’re kidding, right?”

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