Posts Tagged ‘paul martens’

Escape Pod 141: The Color of a Brontosaurus

First appeared in Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine, Issue #29.

Rated PG. Contains some profanity and scientific politics.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 43:42 — 30.0MB)

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Show Notes

Closing Music: “Better” by Jonathan Coulton.

The Color of a Brontosaurus

By Paul E. Martens

There was no doubt that the femur was that of a modern human. Not a proto-human, or some previously unknown dinosaur. Joel and Renee had arrived at the same answer. It was demonstrable, provable. When they finally did release news of the discovery, people might argue about it, but they’d be unable to refute it.

But how did they answer the next question? How did the bone come to be embedded in solid rock millions and millions of years before such a bone could have existed?

It had to be a time traveler. There was no other answer. Or was that just what he wanted to believe?

Genres:

Escape Pod 60: Creature For Hire

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 30:40 — 21.1MB)

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Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains minor innuendo, minor swearing, and some grotesque imagery. No livestock were harmed in the making of this podcast.

Creature For Hire

By Paul E. Martens

“But, Morty, I’m an alien. Christ, I’m The Alien, the only one on the whole damned planet. There’s got to be something.” It occurred to me that my apartment was too big. It seemed to be
getting bigger every day. And when I considered the rent vis a vis my bank account balance, the place was huge.

“The novelty’s worn off, kiddo. I’m surprised it lasted for four movies. And that last one didn’t really count, just a walk-on in a dream sequence. The point is, people aren’t going to keep paying to see something they’ve already seen, even if he is an alien. I mean, it’s not like you do anything. You’re just there, you know?”

Escape Pod 48: Soul Food

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 30:00 — 20.6MB)

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Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains deep moral and gastronomical issues. And yelling.

Soul Food

By Paul E. Martens

They are a quick lot, these humans. They dart about, rushing here, there, everywhere, as if something were chasing them. They speak quickly, as well. I have to remember the sounds they
make, then replay them in my memory at a slower speed to decipher their words. And my mission is not made any easier by the way they perceive it, and therefore me. To them, the fact that I have come to eat one of them automatically makes me a monster.

Escape Pod 36: Connie, Maybe

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 21:00 — 14.4MB)

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Show Notes

Rated G. Contains alien abduction, brainwashing, and conspiracy. Unless it doesn’t.

Referenced sites:
Snakes on a Plane
Something From the Nightside by Simon Green

Connie, Maybe

by Paul E. Martens

Conrad McManus claimed he was kidnaped by aliens and replaced by an exact duplicate of himself.

But, Connie, we said, that doesn’t make sense. If you were a duplicate you wouldn’t say a thing like that.

Connie shook his head. “The aliens destroyed my body while they were doing their tests and experiments and what not and they had to make a new one so no one would know about them.”

So they destroyed everything, we asked, except your brain?

“No,” he said. “They destroyed my brain, too.”

Escape Pod 04: In His Footsteps

Originally appeared in Space and Time Magazine

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 24:30 — 11.2MB)

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Show Notes

Rated PG. Contains sexual innuendo and lighthearted heresy.

In His Footsteps

By Paul E. Martens

The dinner was not what you could call an unqualified success. The best that could be said for it was that we survived. And Uncle Dennis couldn’t even say that much.

That was my fault, too, I guess. I pissed God off, and all of your major religions will tell you that that’s something you want to try and avoid. But I still think of Him as ‘Dad,” and when was the last time you just meekly did what your father told you to do? Okay, sure, your father isn’t God, but mine wasn’t always God, either.

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